AUMC AV Blog

Leadership.

In my life, I have always tried to be a good leader. From being patrol leader in Boy Scouts to being a good role model in band, I have done my best to be the best leader that I could be. But I have failed. I know many people that know me would disagree with that, and I am not saying that I failed at being a leader or that I was a bad leader. I am saying that I had high hopes of being this amazing leader person dude, and I was just a mediocre leader person dude.

But even at that point, how do you define a leader? What constitutes a leader, and what are "good" leadership skills? (and no, I don't want to take a seminar to find out) The obvious definition of a leader is someone in a leadership position, such as a boss, manager, SPL ("senior patrol leader" for those not in Boy Scouts), most elected government officials, etc. In my opinion, I am not this type of leader. Case in point, I was not a good patrol leader. I think that this is because it is hard for me to gain respect from people. I tend to be goofy, silly, rambunctious, and sarcastic, so when I try to directly lead people (AKA: be serious), I don't have their respect.

But there is another type of leader; one that leads subtly. A big brother, a good friend, a stranger walking down the street. Each of these people do not have leadership positions, but they can be a leader to those around them. For example, at our LifeGroup (small group) meetings, even in a social setting, you can tell the leaders and those looking up to the leaders. I fancy myself as this type of leader. One who does not lead by position, but one that leads by relationship. I find myself being friends and leading those that I am around. In my LifeGroup, I try to support others as we talk about tough issues. I cheer them on when they are up, and cheer them up when they are down.

So far, I have been able to keep myself out of direct leadership positions as much as possible, but soon that may not be an option. I have recently done a one-eighty, changing the way that I thought about my life. Six months ago I wanted to go out into the (Christian) movie industry and help make films. I had no disillusions that it would happen, but I had high hopes. However, now, I do not see that in my future. I am not saying that I don't want to do it, but there is something else that I would rather do: church media. I have found a new passion to help others worship. Just as the choir director leads worship while he/she is on stage, I lead worship in the sound booth. It is an amazing feeling to help hundreds of people worship God without them knowing I am there. This is my new passion in life.

But there is a problem. Before now, working at AUMC, I have not been a leader. Sure, I have recruited volunteers and I train them, but they don't work under me, they work along side of me. However, going forward, AUMC will need more than one person to lead worship. We will need three people minimum during any given service. And to do that, there will need to be a leader in charge of getting everyone on the same page. Now, I will say that AUMC has not appointed anyone to be this leader yet, but I fancy myself to be said leader. If I am not, then the whole point is moot, you can disregard this post, and I can go on with my life.

But if I am that leader, then I will have to transition from being a subtle leader to being in a leadership position. This is something that I both look forward to and dread. I look forward to having this opportunity, to finally being that leader that I wanted to be when I was a kid, to be able to lead a group of men and women in a cause, and win! (and by win, I mean pull off a good church service) But I also dread the times that I will make the wrong decision, the times that my mouth fails me and I start to stutter, the times that I let others down. Those times, I will wish that I had just stayed a volunteer.

But it will be worth it. The first service that we have at the new building will be amazing. Our volunteers will be trained, all of our toys... err, new equipment will be installed and ready, and the service will be a big hit (even through a few glitches). But at the end of that day, I will be so amazingly proud; proud of my team, proud of myself, and proud of God for bringing me to this amazing place in life. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

So, those of you reading this that will be (or are) a part of my team, know that I may be struggling, but I am giving it the best that I have. Also know that I am a work in progress, that God did not bring me here because I am currently perfect for the job, but because the job will help make me perfect. Know that I am doing my best, and I will only get better.

Oh, and my future self who is reading this in several months when the new building is moved into, ya, I know I was optimistic about the opening day running smooth, don't worry, it will only get better from here.

To my future self who is reading this a year from now: OK, so it didn't "only get better from there," but that's OK, you are doing your best, right?

To my future self five years from now: OK, really, you can stop laughing now.

Matthew

PS: Thanks to Greg Atkinson at Church Video Ideas. Your topics inspire me and lead me.